Draft and Such

So the Patriots got Randy Moss for a fourth round pick. Question to Steve: could you get Jerry Rice for a fourth round pick, even in Madden with trade override? I’m not even sure the game would allow it. I love this Moss deal, just like I loved the Corey Dillon deal. It’s fun to watch superstars become another faceless cog in the Ne’england juggernaut. The Pats have a suddenly phenomenal receiving corps, including young Kelley Washington. I’ve loved this guy ever since I saw him tear it up in that atrocious Volunteer orange.

While the Pats wheeled and dealed (that idiom doesn’t work in the past tense), the Bears largely… yes, they stood pat. Greg Olsen apparently ran a 4.5 40, but the tumor that kept them from a Super Bowl victory is still firmly ensconced at QB. I won’t say I’d rather have Brady Quinn… but it’s close.

I was surprised to read that Troy Smith, a Heisman winner mind you, dropped to the 5th round. In the offseason, the Army Reserve uses his throwing arm as a howitzer in live fire drill, but scouts think he’s undersized. According to wikipedia, he is 6′ and 215. Grossman (sorry for bringing him up again), is 6’1″ and 217. And he went in the first round. Go figure. I’m hoping Smith tears it up, and I’ve got a great feeling he will. Note that Steve McNair is the starter, and he seems to be the kind of guy who would love to mentor a young kid. Their games are similar, and McNair could teach the youngster a lot about how to play the game. Plus, you’ve got Billick at the top – I dunno, I think Smith could become a serious player if he’s given the opportunity.

The last thing that struck me – Chris Leak went undrafted. The Heisman winner dropping to Round 5 is bad enough, but the National Champion’s QB goes undrafted? That just seems crazy to me.

20 seconds later: oh no. I just checked Leak’s wiki, and saw this: “Despite declaring for the 2007 NFL Draft, Leak went undrafted, and signed as a free agent with the Chicago Bears.^[1]”

Now I’m all for a champion getting a roster spot, but lord, not on our team. Leak is Grossman Mark II. Leak rounds out perhaps the sorriest QB corps in recent memory, joining such leading lights as Grossman, “The Beard” Kyle Orton, and Bryan Griese.

Okay, the actual last thing that struck me: I love this Garret Wolfe pick. He’s Rudy sized, and a hometown hero.

Where would one acquire a barrel of tar?

Written in the aftermath of the Super Bowl – if the memory is still too painful, skip this one.

And feathers? Do they sell those in bulk?

I did not speak for the duration of the second half. I had not taken a vow of silence, and I did not watch the game alone. The reason I said nothing was because my rage at Grossman had stilled my tongue, making it only capable of spewing invective and bile, and I feared that if I should vent my wrath I might just start vomiting blood and DIE.

I’m just going to come out and say it: Rex Grossman is a despicable professional, and frankly has no business lining up under center at any level above Pop Warner. Even then I’m not sure if he could cut it in Pop Warner – that tiny bastard might still be incapable of seeing over his linemen.

I mean, forget about his fumbles, loathsome and buffoonish though they were. If you just look at the decisions he makes, one has to wonder if the Dragon even listens during practice. He also holds the distinction of being perhaps the worst passer in the face of pressure. If you watched Peyton Manning (I know it’s difficult, with his misshapen face, but try), you could see that even though he had lineman pawing at him, he kept his head downfield and made serviceable throws.

The second Rex sees a rusher… well, it actually takes more than a second, since he first needs to figure out if the man is actually on his team or not. But once Rex does recognize a defender coming at him, he panics. And the moment he goes to his back foot, all is lost. I’m not sure if you knew this, but Sexy Rexy throws like a 9 year old girl off his back foot. Did you see the pick that went all the way back for a touchdown? I think Rex wanted to see just how much loft he could get on that ball. It was if he thought, “Yep, this situation calls for a lob wedge”. NO IT DOESN’T, Rex.

We’ve heard it before – Rex Grossman is like a young Brett Favre. And to a point, it’s absolutely true – both men have a penchant for trying to complete passes no right-minded man would even attempt. They have a tendency to force the issue, and this mentality often leads to stupid turnovers. Here’s the key difference: when young Brett Favre threw a stupid pass, he threw that stupid pass so fucking hard it broke the sound barrier. So as the ball went screaming by, at least a fan could be sure that no man alive could manage to reel such a pass in. Rex’s stupid passes, on the other hand, stay in the air longer than the feather in Forest Gump. They just float, and float, and float, and it’s like watching in slow-motion as you see Muhammed twist in vain, fervently hoping just to manage to bat the thing away.

And they never do.

I’m glad to see this season recede in the rear-view mirror, as it’s going to take a few months to recover… and for my slow-acting poison to finally do away with Grossman.