Well, we’re nearing the Middle Earth draft again, and the scouts here at Lothlorien have been working hard to bring you the most incisive pre-draft reports around. Let’s get to the top prospects!
Faramir – Extremely underrated. More fundamentally sound than his brother, Boromir, but has never been given the opportunity to take the big shot. He can get hot – Faramir was on fire in the Minas Tirith Finals. “Unconscious”, his coach/father described him. Does all the little things well, and has total comittment to the team. Question his psychological toughness; after his father, Mad Assistant Coach Denethor, became the Head Coach, Faramir found himself stuck on the bench. Eager to win some PT, Faramir can get distracted trying to fill up the stat sheet to impress dad.
Gollum – Nobody hustles more than this Third Age senior out of the Shire. When that ball is on the floor, he’ll be laid out before you can say “Isildur”. Scrappy as they come, he still has build problems – he’s even skinnier than Darius Miles was when he entered the league. Has proven surprisingly durable however, and at least he’s prettier than Sam Cassell. Gollum is going to be a team distraction. Constant soliloquys and insane rants causes him to rack up lots of 8 second violations. It’s almost as if there’s two players in his body – some days he’ll run the offense and distribute the rock – other days he won’t let the ball leave his hands. Checkered past may be a concern, as “The Finger Incident” put the Brawl at Palace Hills to shame. Coaches will have to decide if his mental weakness are compensated by his defense and grit.
Frodo & Sam – You can’t talk about one without talking about the other. This duo has the same ESP shared by all great teammates – we’re talking Stockton and Malone attunement here. Some say their teamwork is almost uncomfortable to watch, but there is no doubt they get the job done. Proven winners, Frodo and Sam dominated the college game in their senior year. It was a long road, though, and many who saw their potential wonder why they took so long to accomplish their goal. Seen separately, these two are nothing special – the wise GM would draft both together or not at all. Frodo might be a reasonable role player in the appropriate system (he responded extremely well to Gandalf’s coaching, but it’s tough to lure away a Maiar from their coaching positions), but he needs to work on his toughness. If he draws an contact on his way to the rack, more often than not he’s heading straight for the training room. Sam is a lesser talent, and will fall to the later rounds – the stocky young hobbit isn’t built for the game. It is this scout’s opinion that he would always make a far better back-up linebacker.
Treebeard – After eons, the Ent has finally declared for the draft. Hoops fans all over the Shire are abuzz with excitement, as Treebeard is one of the most technically sound prospects since the First Age. Blessed with a head for the game, he looks to become a franchise center awfully quick. There are some holes in his game, however. He’s incredible slow, and will need to work on his footspeed. His lack of agility also hurts him in the post – he’s whistled upwards of twenty times a game for three in the key and back to the basket violations. Excruciatingly slow decision maker, oftentimes he won’t pass out of a double team until three days have passed, which can really slow down the tempo. He offsets this sluggishness by being a forty foot tree. His coach will have to carefully monitor his off-the-court activities – Treebeard is injury-prone. Should he run in the wrong circles and contract Dutch Elm Disease, or, God forbid, Sudden oak death, his playing days are over. Blue chipper all the way.
The Witch-King of Angmar – The second best big man in the draft, behind Treebeard. The Witch-King is an absolute force, with the toughness of a Charles Oakley and the intensity and swagger of a Dennis Rodman. He has all the physical tools to succeed on the pro-level, but his fiery temperment may land him in trouble. His college coach took three years to convince him not to ride his fell-beast during games, and entire squads were devoured before he was broken of this habit. Draws more techs than Rasheed Wallace, he’s been known to obliterate refs with his mighty spiked mace. Properly coached, though, by someone like a Gregg Popovich, and you’ve got a perennial All-Star.
*UPDATE* The Witch-King’s draft stock took a serious hit this past weekend when he participated in a charity game against the Women’s All-Star Team. The Witch-King imploded – literally. He was lit up for 50 by a little-heralded guard out of Rohan by the name of Eowyn. After the Lady Rider dropped a dagger right in his face, the Witch-King proceeded to collapse in on himself, sending a shock wave through the stunned stadium.
Boromir – An inveterate ballhog, and favorite son of Denethor, Boromir’s skill set simply does not walk into the pro game. Still living down an ugly incident in his senior year when he attempted to steal the ball from his own teammates – Ricky Davis would have been ashamed by the display. Well-built, and unquestionably tough, Boromir would be an ideal glue guy if only he didn’t have the mindset of a superstar.
Gimli, son of Gloin, son of Thorin, son of Thrain… – Gimli certainly has the pedigree, but a name alone does not cut it at the highest level. A total defensive liability, with a wingspan measuring only three feet, opposing slashers will have no trouble blowing past him. Not only that, but he cannot contest any shots, due to an embarrassing vertical leap. His only block came when Aragorn heaved him some twenty feet, and even then it was a near thing. Incredible stamina, however – Gimli is often leading breaks, contrary to all reason or common sense.
Aragorn – Spent many years playing in semi-pro leagues in Aman under the alias of Strider, this hoops prince is finally ready to make his name known on the biggest of stages. Tall and well-built, Aragorn will have no problem guarding 2′s and 3′s. A natural-born leader, he’ll be a coach’s best friend when the chips are down, as he can get even the lowliest of teammates (read: Gimli) to produce far beyond their capabilities. For all his natural talent, some feel Aragorn relies too heavily on outside help to get the job done, citing one game late in the season where he summoned a ghostly army at half-time. Opponents struggled mightily defending these spectral players, who, even though they are incorporeal, still managed to handle a basketball. A lottery pick for certain, the only question is whether his head is truly in the game. He’s been known to chase immortal women now and again, and these sorts of distractions will hurt teams gearing up for a playoff push.
Legolas – Blessed with incredible handles, speed, and agility, Legolas will give perimeter defenders nightmares well into the Fourth Age. Alongside his sweet jumper, the elf ranges through the passing lanes, making acrobatic steals without breaking a sweat. Deadeye from range, Legolas can torment a team with three pointers. Build appears to be an issue, but he avoids contact. Some scouts question his attitude, as he is not much of a team-first player, but his skills should more than make up for any deficiencies on that count. Plus, he’ll draw plenty of female fans to the arena, hoping to catch a glimpse of his lustrous hair. Would make a great posterboy for any rebuilding team.
Merry and Pippin – These little ladies bring the kind of pep and enthusiasm that will make them welcome additions to any cheerleading squad in Middle Earth.
